only you would photoshop your dick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
