just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
