My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
