ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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