ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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