just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
