Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
