So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
