I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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