My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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