I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
