you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I just sharted jello shots
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
