Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
