I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
