my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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