You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
