The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
