god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
