Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
