There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
