I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
