dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
