This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk is not a location!
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