If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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