Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
