just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
