I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
