Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
