you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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