Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
