It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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