Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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