I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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