Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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