Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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