I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
