I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
