Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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