I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
