upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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