it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
