I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
