no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
