he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
