her vagine was all disorganized.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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