Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
