i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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