theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
