508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
