Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
