These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
