I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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