I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
