You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
