Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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