two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
