when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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