Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
