i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
