dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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