I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
