How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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