I wish I could teleport
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
