my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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