So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
