6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
