Your face is a jimmy john
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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