Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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