This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize