Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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