Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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