if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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